written by Jeff Goode


JEFF. I went to Madagascar last week. Boy, what a let down. My expectations were way too high.

MIKE. In what sense?

JEFF. Have you seen the ads for Madagascar on TV?

MIKE. Yes.

JEFF. I expected it to be like that.

MIKE. And it wasn’t?

JEFF. Not even close. For one thing I thought it would be CGI.

MIKE. What are you talking about? The whole thing is CGI.

JEFF. Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. But then I got there… it was just normal! And you know what else? No talking animals.

MIKE. What?

JEFF. I go there thinking, finally, I’m gonna see some talking animals, and there was not one!

MIKE. What are you talking about? That’s all it is, is CGI talking animals!

JEFF. That’s what they want you to think. When you’re sitting at home watching TV. Thinking, whoa, Madagascar looks cool. But if you actually get up off the couch, turns out it’s false advertising.

MIKE. So you’re saying there were no talking animals in Madagascar.

JEFF. No talking animals. Just people. Walkin’ around. Doing stuff. Not even digital people. Cuz that would be cool. But not in Madagascar. All they had was regular people.

MIKE. Okay, I don’t know what you saw, but it wasn’t Madagascar.

JEFF. Oh, it was Madagascar. Trust me, when I pay $875 for a ticket, I’m gonna at least make sure I’m standing in the right line.

MIKE. You paid $875 to see a movie?

JEFF. God, I wish I’d seen a movie. No, I went to Madagascar.

MIKE. With Chris Rock and Ben Stiller.

JEFF. No, I went by myself.

MIKE. No, Chris Rock and Ben Stiller were in Madagascar.

JEFF. When I was there?

MIKE. They were the stars of the film, so, yes, they were probably there about the same time you were.

JEFF. Stars of what film?

MIKE. Madagascar!

JEFF. There’s a film about Madagascar?

MIKE. Yes, you saw it!

JEFF. I saw a movie?

MIKE. Yes!

JEFF. …It looked so real.

MIKE. It wasn’t. It was computer animation.

JEFF. Wow, the technology is way beyond what I thought was possible.

MIKE. Yes, they’re doing wonders.

JEFF. I guess! …So here’s what I don’t understand: When I bought my ticket to Madagascar… you’re saying somebody had to secretly get there ahead of me and set up a movie screen so that when I got off the plane, I would THINK I was in Madagascar, but really I was just watching a CGI movie about Madagascar at the airport?

MIKE. Wait, what airport?

JEFF. The Madagascar Airport.

MIKE. When were you at the Madagascar Airport?

JEFF. Last week.

MIKE. You went to Madagascar?

JEFF. Yeah, last week.

MIKE. …Why?

JEFF. I saw the advertisements. It looked like a cool place. I thought I’d meet some talking animals.

(Mike has nothing to say.)

Are you okay? You don’t look well.


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