Ring Two

written by Jeff Goode


JEFF. I saw that movie, Ring Two

MIKE. What’d you think?

JEFF. That movie sucked!!

MIKE. What didn’t you like about it?

JEFF. I saw it with my girlfriend last week.

MIKE. I thought you broke up.

JEFF. We did. We got together special for this movie.

MIKE. Oh. Did you see the first one together?

JEFF. No. I wish we had. Then I wouldn’t have had to pay 18 dollars for this one.

MIKE. You think the original was better?

JEFF. I don’t know. Couldn’t have been worse than this one.

MIKE. Why’s that?

JEFF. Cuz the movie didn’t work at all.

MIKE. On what level? You didn’t find it scary?

JEFF. I didn’t find it anything. I hid in the bathroom the whole time.

MIKE. Why?

JEFF. The hell I’m going into a theater where that thing is playing!

MIKE. So you didn’t even see it?


MIKE. Then what makes you think it didn’t work?

JEFF. I told you! I saw it last week with my girlfriend.

MIKE. And…?

JEFF. And now it’s, like, a week later.

MIKE. And…?

JEFF. And she’s still alive. The movie was a total flop!

MIKE. (gets it now) Watching the Ring Two does not kill you one week later.

JEFF. I know! It’s false advertising.

MIKE. No, it’s just a movie. A completely non-lethal movie.

JEFF. Hey, you don’t have to convince me. I was there.

MIKE. It’s a movie about a movie that kills people who watch it.

JEFF. I don’t care what it’s about, it doesn’t kill anyone. And I’ve got the ex-girlfriend to prove it.

MIKE. I don’t think you understand.

JEFF. No, I get it. The movie doesn’t work. It’s just a bunch of meaningless pictures flitting across the wall.

(Mike is perplexed into speechlessness. Then…)

MIKE. Wait a minute, you went to the movie last week?

JEFF. Seven days ago. Yes!

MIKE. Ring Two opened today. You couldn’t have seen it a week ago.

JEFF. Well, I didn’t see anything, I was hiding in the bathroom. But we definitely saw something. It was definitely last week. And it definitely started with an R.

MIKE. (Beat.) You saw Robots.

JEFF. Robots was last week?

MIKE. Yes.

JEFF. Ring is this week.

MIKE. Yup. (Jeff scrambles for his cell phone) What’re you doing?

JEFF. I gotta call my ex-girlfriend!


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