written by Jeff Goode


JEFF. I just saw that Robots movie with Obi Wan Kenobi.

MIKE. You mean, Ewan McGregor.

JEFF. Is that his stage name?

MIKE. The actor who plays Obi Wan is Ewan McGregor.

JEFF. The Jedi from Star Wars.

MIKE. Yes, that’s him.

JEFF. The one with the beard.

MIKE. Unless you’re talking about Alec Guinness.

JEFF. …No, beeeeeer-D.

MIKE. Yes, Obi Wan. He’s played by Ewan McGregor.

JEFF. The guy in Robots.

MIKE. Uh, yes, I think he’s the lead in Robots.

JEFF. He was great in that. The whole movie was great. I think that was the best one so far.

MIKE. The best what?

JEFF. Movie. That was the best movie so far.

MIKE. You mean… of all time? Or that’s the best CGI movie.

JEFF. That was CGI?

MIKE. Yes.

JEFF. What parts?

MIKE. All of it. The whole thing was CGI.

JEFF. The whole movie?

MIKE. Yes.

JEFF. Sounds expensive.

MIKE. I’m sure it was.

JEFF. Wouldn’t it have been cheaper to use actors?

MIKE. I suppose it would be except that there aren’t any actors… who looked like robots.

JEFF. The ones in Robots did.

MIKE. Those weren’t actors.

JEFF. I know, they were robots.

MIKE. …But not real robots.

JEFF. What do you mean?

MIKE. The robots in the movie were not real.

JEFF. Then why did they agree to make a movie?

MIKE. Because… Now, wait, are you asking: Why did the robots agree to make a movie if they weren’t real? — or why did the filmmakers agree to make a movie if it wasn’t about real robots?

JEFF. That’s a good point.

MIKE. No, it’s not.

JEFF. Because if they’re not real robots, you might as well make a cartoon. What’s the point of making a documentary if you’re going to have to CGI all the characters in later?

MIKE. No, nothing was done later. It was all one thing. They were not filming real robots and having them pretend to interact with CGI robots that they put in later in post production.

JEFF. Then how did they get their reactions to look so real. It totally looked like they were talking to each other.

MIKE. Because they were talking to each other.

JEFF. Because they were real.


JEFF. But you know what bothered me about this movie?

MIKE. That the earth had been taken over by real robots who apparently wiped out all the humans and replaced them with colorful android substitutes?

JEFF. Mm. No. That would be cool. What bothered me was the continuity… Because when was this movie made?

MIKE. Well, if it’s coming out now…

JEFF. Was it before or after Star Wars III?

MIKE. They were probably going on simultaneously.

JEFF. No, because if Obi Wan was a robot…

MIKE. Ewan McGregor was a robot.

JEFF. It had to happen before or after he kills Darth Vader in Episode III

MIKE. These are separate movies.

JEFF. Right, so there shouldn’t be any overlap.

MIKE. Obi Wan Kenobi was never a robot.

JEFF. Until after Episode III.

MIKE. No, not ever. He’s a jedi. A human jedi. In a completely different movie.

JEFF. And then Darth Vader turns him into a robot and strands him on the robot planet.

MIKE. No, he doesn’t go to a robot planet. He stays a Jedi.

JEFF. How do you know this? You’ve already seen the new Star Wars Movie?

MIKE. No, but I’ve seen the original movie and I’ve seen the… I guess… second movie and I know he doesn’t turn into a robot in between.

JEFF. Then where was he hiding out between the third new movie and the first original movie, that Darth Vader couldn’t find him, if he wasn’t a robot? (before Mike can answer)And still have time to turn back into a human in time to save Luke Skywalker from the sandpeople at the beginning of the first movie, wearing the same outfit he’s wearing in the trailers for the third?

(Mike thinks about it a long time before answering.)

MIKE. If Obi Wan Kenobi was a Robot… They would call him a droid.

(Wait for JEFF to react … FADE TO BLACK.)

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