They're Eating the Dogs! They're Eating the Cats
by Dr. SeussThey're eating the dogs! They're eating the cats!
Cried the orange-painted man in the gold-plated spats.
They're cooked up in curry and salsa and cumin
And served over black beans & rice--It's inhuman!
These people that came in, they came out of nowhere
They're eating the pets of the people that live there!
So they're dog-napping puppies and cat-napping cats!
They're grabbing up pussies to make pussyhats!
They eat Kung Pao Chihuahua and Moo Goo Gai Pugs
They're shearing the sheepdogs to make themselves Uggs
Must be someone behind it!--I don't want to say who.
But those Haitians from Venezuela will do!
It's a national crisis in Springfield, Ohio!
It's worse than the food trucks on Cinco de Mayo!
It's worse than the Holocaust, there's just no denying.
Do you smell that? That's hamster kebabs they're stir-frying.
But don't call the cops, cuz they're all on the take
And don't read the papers, the news is all fake
And don't ask the Mayor, he's part of the scheme.
The only thing honest are hate-tweets and memes.
And people are saying on every TV
You can't trust the Truth, you can only trust me!
And this is what's happening and you know it's a shame
It's happening in our country. And we know who to blame!
Epilogue
No Man's Bestie should end up in somebody's gullet!
Smirked the orange-painted man with the gold spray-on mullet.
(They belong in a gravel pit...
playing fetch with a bullet.)