ACT ONE “ONCE UPON A TIME” FADE IN: INT. DOUG’S BATHROOM - NIGHT DOUG TRUDGES INTO THE BATHROOM AND STARES INTO THE MIRROR. HE LOOKS LIKE HELL. HE PICKS UP A PINK TOOTHBRUSH THAT IS LYING BY THE SINK, GLARES AT IT. DOUG This is all your fault. DOUG OPENS THE MEDICINE CABINET TO PUT THE TOOTHBRUSH AWAY AND A HALF DOZEN BOXES OF TAMPONS TUMBLE OUT. DOUG STARES AT THEM HELPLESSLY THEN LOOKS AT US. DOUG (CONT'D) I know what you’re thinking. I’d be thinking the same thing if I were in your position. As a matter of fact, just two days ago, I was in your position. WHIP PAN TO: