Too Direct is a stunt monologue originally created for Chris Clarke to perform at Sacred Fools Theatre in Los Angeles.

Enter Kris, for an audition.

          KRIS
Hi.
You probably don't remember me.
I mean, of course you don't, why would you?
But I was at a show you did, like, jeez, a year ago.
A friend of mine-- Do you know Casey?

(tiny pause, no response, move on)

Right anyway. It was her idea.
I think she worked on it maybe, or she works here?

(tiny pause)

Never mind, doesn't matter. But so that's why I was here.
And they had that thing afterwards where everybody was just hanging out, and so that's where it was.

(looks uncomfortable)

Can I just--?

(climbs down off the stage)

I hate being onstage.

But I heard you were having auditions and my friends were like "Go, go, you have to do this."
And so I don't know if this is weird or...
No, it is. It's weird, I know. It is, it's weird.
But the thing is-- Can I just say one thing?

(moving a little closer to the director)

I don't know if you remember this, but there was this guy, the lead guy, you were talking to, big guy, I don't know his name.
And I don't know what he said or what you guys were talking about...
But you just went off on him.
You were just "And this, and this, and this, and this!"
And he was like, completely, had no idea.
And everyone was like, ...wow.
You were just so... Confident.
You were like... on fire with it. It was amazing.
And I was just "Who IS that??"
And I know this is stupid, and I know this isn't what you want to hear right now while you're doing all this, I know you're busy. But I'm not an actor, so I don't know how I'm ever going to even get a chance to even BE here just to say...

(looking the director in the eye)

I would give anything. To be here.
Right now.
Like this.
With you.

(breaking character:)

Hi, my name is Kris and my piece is from "Too Direct".