(Enter ELDRIDGE, dressed like an Elvis impersonator.)
(We don't encourage drinking and driving. But we do encourage drinking. And driving.)
So ask your waitress if you got any fluids you need topped, and you tip 'er right, you might get a free oil change. Tip 'er wrong, you'll get your gas watered down, just like the drinks.
(ELDRIDGE picks up his guitar.)
Now, as you probably know, unless this is your first time in Ready, what this town is most famous for, though, is: This is the birthplace, hometown, and final resting place of a man who made a name for himself impersonating a man who needs no introduction. And that man's name was Eldridge Errol Paisley. My Daddy. (The first guy, the impersonator, not the second guy.)
Unfortunately, when I was about six, El Senior and the King parted company over "creative differences". Because, as Daddy always put it, no man looks good in a jumpsuit and cape. So when Elvis got fat, Daddy got a solo career. And it sunk him so low that he had to give up his lucrative impersonation tour and come back home to Ready and open up this honky-tonk.
After that Daddy's career took off like a shooting star. Which I always thought was a funny way of putting things, because every shooting star I ever knew come crashing down to earth. Which is exactly what happened to Daddy. He did have one hit single, though, that made it to the top 100. And it got him so excited he had a coronary and died before it peaked at #88.
Anyways, this was my favorite song when I was a kid growin' up, though it always made my Momma cry. (wistfully) I still remember this song playing on the radio, while Daddy danced around the living room... clutching his chest and heaving for breath. So if you're one of the couple hundred folks bought the 8-track, at a garage sale, you can sing along. But even if you don't know the tune, you might at least do Daddy the respect of dancing...