copyright © 1995 Jeff Goode

Father / Daughter Talk by Jeff Goode copyright © 1995

Daughter

Dad, I have something to tell you.

Father

Not now.

Daughter

Yes, now.

Father

Can't it wait?

Daughter

No.

Father

All right, what is it?

Daughter

I'm having an abortion.

Father

What! You're pregnant?

Daughter

Sorry, I forgot. Dad, I'm pregnant.

Father

You're pregnant? That's terrible.

Daughter

I've decided to have an abortion.

Father

That's even worse!

Daughter

Don't try to pressure me into changing my decision.

Father

I think you should have the baby.

Daughter

I can't.

Father

Why not?

Daughter

You're the father.

Father

Oh, well that changes things.

Daughter

I couldn't live with the scandal.

Father

I'm not your father.

Daughter

I'm adopted?

Father

No, you're hypnotized.

Daughter

Hypnotized? This is all a fantasy?

Father

That's right. You like to pretend I'm your father because it makes your climaxes more intense.

Daughter

They are pretty intense.

Father

I know.

Daughter

But really you're my husband?

Father

Well, no.

Daughter

My boyfriend.

Father

No.

Daughter

I give up, then.

Father

I'm your brother.

Daughter

Oh.

(putting her hand on her stomach:)

I've always wanted a niece.

"Father / Daughter Talk" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

First performed at No Shame Chicago on November 13, 1995, by Jen Johnson & Seán Judge.

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