"Love Loves a Pornographer" by Jeff Goode is
copyrighted material and may not be performed, downloaded or
retransmitted without the author's permission.
(Emily finally stands up to her parents.)
You are all such horrible, beastly people! I thought, coming here today, having returned from America, with a string of fresh vices, a poor choice of husband, and an ill-considered tattoo, that I, for once, would be the talk of the tea, and not this perpetual peevishness. But I see now that one may travel the world in search of depravity and never find so much of it as lies heaped in one's own back yard. Or in the garden. You are all abhorrently boorish and whorish and rude, and were I not related to some of you, I should love nothing more than to have nothing more to do with you ever again. But as we are not entirely unrelated: Father, I shall expect you at my impending wedding, to give me away with your blessing. And Mother to weep. And thereafter I shall endeavor never to speak to you both for so long as I live. Mr. Monger, it has been a pleasure to meet you and your lovely wife, and a horrible embarrassment. And my condolences. Earl, come with me. We are going to move a body. Again!