(Enter Molly with laundry.)
Everyone else is going to the fair. But do I get to go? No, I do not. I have to scrub the floor and clean the stable and hang the laundry out to dry while my evil stepmother and my two horrible stepsisters go to the fair.
...Just like Cinderella.
An' I wish I was like Cinderella and could have a handsome Prince come save me from my
Or not even a Prince, any man will do.
(dream music - perhaps a harp.)
Aye, any handsome virile rake on a white stallion with rippling muscles - the rake, not the
stallion - who would carry me away to a life of sensuous adventure...
He comes like a thief in the night. Stealing to my bedside, he speaks to me of forbidden
pleasures. And when he whispers my name, the words fall from his chiseled lips like drops of
Manly Voice (off:)
Molly! Molly MacGregor!
I'm here, My Love!
Your love? Are ye daft, girl? It's Berthabella, your horrible stepsister.
(Enter Berthabella, her horrible, yet manly, stepsister.)
Another Manly Voice (off:)
My other horrible stepsister.
(Enter Polynesia, her other manly stepsister, playing a harp.)
Would you stop playing that blasted harp, Polynesia, it drives me crazy.
(Harp music stops.)Have you finished with the laundry yet, Molly? There's a frock I want to wear to the fair.
Yes, and my sunbonnet, I want it.
I'm just now hangin' them out to dry.
Well, see that you do. We want to look lovely when we go to the fair.
In case we meet our future husbands.
Some day, I shall have a husband. And he shall take me away from here, and you will have to do your own laundry.
(Molly's burly Stepmother enters.)Molly is threatening us with housework again.
Molly, are you having delusions again about escaping from your pathetic life of labor?
What have I told you about that?
I don't know.
Stepmother (to the Sisters:)
Sisters (to Molly:)
"That dreams don't come true, for lasses like you!"
Stepmother (to the Stepsisters:)
Now get ready, we're going to the fair.
Stepmother, may I go to the fair?
When you've finished with all the laundry, then you may go to the fair, and not a moment before.
But, I'm almost finished, this is the last of it.
Oh, didn't I tell you? We took in some extra laundry this morning.
(Polynesia comes in with a gigantic bundle of laundry, throws it down in front of Molly.)
When that's done, you can go to the fair.
(The stepfamily exits, laughing uproariously.)
(Molly starts going through the new bundle of laundry.)
I'll never be done with this in time. Stepmother is right I guess I'm just not the kind of lass to have her dreams come true.
Look at this. Shirts, and stockings and more shirts and boots to polish, and what's this?
(Molly takes a shirt from the bundle. It is the shirt of a Scottish Lord.)A shirt fair belonging to a lord.
(She fantasizes:)Aye, an' a mighty Scottish lord, at that. With tousled hair, all covered with mail. His sinewy chest gleaming in the moonlight. He'll spirit me away to his keep high in the Scottish hills where I'll be slave to his every desire.
(Molly takes another shirt from the bundle. It is a fine princely shirt, trimmed with gold and lace.)And what have we here? A prince's shirt, I think. A handsome, brave prince, with lovely blue eyes to gaze into. He has a wide chest and strong arms to crush me in his embrace when he boldly carries me off to his castle and there entreats me to be his Queen.
(Molly takes another shirt from the bundle. It is a Pirate's shirt.)And this one's a pirate's shirt. Stolen at swordpoint from a wealthy silk trader. I can see him, I can, handsome and bold with dancing brown eyes, curly brown hair, lean and muscular with his sword in his hand.
Manly Voice (off:)
Molly! Molly MacGregor!
Molly (returning to reality:)
Aye, sister, I'll have your frock in a bit.
(But it's not Berthabella:)
Pirate (entering, barechested:)
Arr, lass, what care I for frocks? What I desire only your nubile body can yield.
Who are you?
Why, I'm the dread Pirate, handsome and bold, lean and muscular, come to free you from your cruel suffering, only to lash you in the silken bonds of forbidden love.
...come to free me from my cruel suffering, only to lash me in the silken bonds of forbidden love?
How did you know?
This must be a dream.
If this be a dream, let me never wake again. I'll take you aboard my ship, we'll sail the straits of passion. Adrift on the throbbing seas, our feverish bodies intertwined in a net of intoxicating ecstasy.
Molly (joining in:)
...Adrift on the throbbing seas, our feverish bodies intertwined in a net of intoxicating ecstasy.
I knew it!
And if I refuse? Will you hold me captive of your desire, till my resistance melts under your searing caress?
Pirate (thinks about it:)
Molly (leaping into his arms:)
"No, no!", I will cry, in defense of my maiden virtue, though I ache to feel your hot kiss upon my bosom. Torn between doubt and desire, heaving and panting, I collapse into your powerful arms. And you abduct me, to your dark pirate cave, where at last, unwilling I submit to your manly advances.
(He starts to do just that.)Or, no, not a cave... A secret lagoon, or a tropical island!
I have both.
(then playing her part:)I mean: No, I shall resist you, arrogant buccaneer!
(Pirate kisses her. She melts.)
Prince (entering, also shirtless:)
What ho, ye brigand! Unhand that breathtaking enchantress.
Molly (to Prince:)
Not just yet.
The Dashing Prince, Handsome and Brave. Do you like the way the sun glints on my muscular chest?
He's come to rescue me from your sinister clutches.
He'll gather me in his arms, and safe within his strong, yet tender embrace I'll ride with him to his glittering palace. There he will lavish me with gifts and entreat me to be his queen.
Pirate (pulling her toward him:)
But what about me? I awakened desires you never knew. Can you so soon forget the nights of cruel passion that we shared?
Molly (trying to decide:)
Shall I renounce my throne to live a life of violent seduction? Or forsake him to follow my destiny: a life of lavish sensuousness and the intrigues of the court.
I vote the court.
I say violent seduction.
Oh, I know! The two of you have to fight over me.
(they violently hurl themselves against each other.)No, no, not like that.
(She stops them and rearranges them.)Here, with me on your arm, like this.
(She hangs from one of the Pirate's arms as the fight begins again.)Save me, my Prince, from this vulgar outlaw!
(She switches over to the Prince's arm:)If you survive, my love, I will lie in your arms tonight, consumed by fiery passions I cannot control. We will soar to new heights of love.
(Molly flings herself onto the Pirate:)Please, spare him, I beg you, and I will go with you, pleasing you in all things, my body will be a toy for you to use as you wish, if you will only let him live.
(to the audience:)But alas, neither man heeded her words, and the fight went on and on for the hand of the fair maiden, neither man willing to surrender, life without her at their side would be worse than death. Their muscles rippled as they fought, their chests heaved. The only sound the two men made was their labored breathing as each tried to best the other. In the hot midday heat they thrust and parried and then parried and thrust, in and out, out and in, steel blades flashed in the sunlight, the sweat glistened on their bodies. Stop, stop, you've got to stop.
(She comes between them, takes a moment to catch her breath.)Okay, just a bit more.
(They fight a bit more.)In, out, lunge, thrust. Oh!
(Coming between them again:)That's good, stop, stop.
(After a brief pant, she resumes:)I can not allow you to harm this handsome bold prince.
(Enter the Scottish Lord.)
There you are! From my home in the Scottish highlands I've heard tales of your beauty, Molly MacGregor. And I've come now to take you off to my keep.
I wasn't quite done with these two.
Scottish Lord (seizing her:)
Come, you alluring vixen, I've risked all to possess you.
With ruffian lust the Scottish lord woos me.
Scottish Lord (taking the hint:)
I mean: more eloquently.
What care I for eloquence? You'll come with me now, or I will ravish you on the spot.
I'm afraid that's my Queen, you're seducing.
Pirates don't have Queens.
My booty then.
I've crossed mountains and conquered armies to possess this tender virgin. And I shall defeat, any man who stands against me!
What is it?
I just felt a quickening in my loins.
Prince (as he turns toward Molly:)
WHOOA! I feel it too.
It's the girl!
(They both look at the Scottish Lord who is still waiting for his loins to quicken.)
Looks like yours is on the blink.
(The Scottish Lord bellows and attacks them, and the fight is on again.)
(After they fight awhile, the Pirate is killed.)
Dread Pirate, Handsome and Bold!
(Molly is too far away from the Pirate when he dies, so she stops the fight:)Wait!
(She runs to the Pirate:)And with a dying kiss, that burns on my lips, and a look of tender yearning in his eyes, he departs this world.
(Pirate drops dead.)Okay.
(The Fight continues. The Scottish Lord kills the Prince.)No, no, just wound him, there's already one dead. You want me to get a complex?
(The Prince gets up and fights again, but the Scottish Lord disables him.)Oh, no, actually, the Prince should win.
(Prince gets up and fights again, this time disarming and defeating the Scottish Lord.)
(Molly rushes to the Prince's sword.)Both wicked men felled by his sword, the Prince at last claims his prize.
(They are about to kiss when:)
Manly Voice (off:)
(The Prince vanishes.)
Have you finished with my frock?
In a minute.
(Berthabella leaves. Molly looks around at the empty stage.)...It was only a dream, a fantasy.
Molly (looking at the Scot:)
So, what are you doing here?
Scottish Lord (sitting up:)
Oh, I'm real.
You really are a Scottish Lord from the highlands?
And you're going to sweep me away to your secret stronghold?
And love you as no other.
With hot hands to possess and caress me?
And thrill you with sensuous delights.
Why didn't you say so before?!?
(They exit together.)
Scottish Lord (exiting:)
Shall I take you to new heights of passion?
Okay, but first, take me to the fair.
Scottish Lord (off:)
There it goes.