ERIC
I swallowed my bitch.
STEPH
We're so proud of you. ...Mr. Throat.
JEFF
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT???
Will he say...
(Eric's lines:)
#1Thank you. Thank you for saying that.
#2Mr. Throat? The only one who ever called me Mr. Throat was... It's you!! But how?
#3Oh, sure, laugh. Make esophagus jokes at my expense. But I'm the one who has to live with a killer gullet.
#4Now that she's gone, I feel so empty.
#5Now that she's gone, I feel so full.
#6Now that she's gone, I feel Sophia. That is your name, isn't it?
#7(puts her fingers in his mouth and says:) Oh no. It's happening again.
#8My life is over! Over! How can I go on after what... Hey, you're kind of cute!
#9That's Mister Mr. Throat to you.
#10From now on, it's Mr. Lockjaw. Because I've swallowed my last mark. I want out.
#11Me? Mr. Throat? But that's impossible. I was here when the first engulfings took place.
#12Please, call me Throaty
#13You want some o' this? You want some o' this?! C'mon, get in my mouth if you think you can take it.
#14Maybe you didn't hear me correctly.
#15Oh no. You don't mean...? This can't be my 15 minutes of fame.
#16Proud enough to be my bitch?
#17I know I've said it before, but I love Eu... (looks at audience:) thenasia.
#18Doctor, please, you've got to give me back my old digestive system.
#19You've seen through my disguise! But how? (burp)
#20MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GALAXY. (looks at Steph:) Bitch!
#21You got no right to call me names. I done what you said. Now let us go.
#22Your majesty! But what are you doing in the home of a simple woodcutter?
#23I need a breath mint.
#24I thought you'd been swallowed!!
#25Proud of me? After what my throat has done, I'll never be able to look in the mirror without gargling.
#26Y'know, you look tasty, too. But there's only one way to find out for sure.
#27Proud? Well, I'm ashamed. Ashamed of my lips, ashamed of my tongue... Hey, how did you know my name?
#28Not too proud to pump my stomach, I hope?
#29My bitch was proud, and look where it got her.
#30Mr. Threat! It's Mr. Threat! "Throat" isn't scary, you moron!
#31If you're trying to turn me on, it's working. If you're trying to turn my stomach, that's working, too.
#32Are you? Are you really? Because there's no turning back now.
#33Proud I can never be of that which I loathe. My unholy craw.
#34That's Doctor Throat. You've got your pride, but I've still got my PhD.
#35You're kind of a bitch yourself.
#36Don't. My dentist calls me Mr Throat.
#37Stop me before I swallow again.
#38That tapeworm better have the information, or you're next.
#39She was so beautiful. When she looked at you that certain way, it just made your mouth water... Oh no.
#40So now I'm supposed to fuck you, is that it? ... Is it?? ... No, really, is it?
#41Well, swallow your pride because there's more.
#42At least she went down easy. Smooth. Soothing. Like a lozenge. (slapping forheard:) That's her name!
#43With tonsils like you, who needs enemies?
#44I didn't eat her... for you!
#45Don't get cocky, lady. I saved room for dessert.
#46Julia!! (aside:) What if she saw me? No, no, stay calm. She doesn't suspect a thing.
#47Proud? Well, I can't wait to see what regurgitation does for your self-esteem.
#48You did this! You wicked, wicked, wicked witch! Where's your sister? I'm going to make both of you pay. (makes sucking sound)
#49Is that my name? I just don't know anymore. Oh, why did those gnomes take my wallet??
#50Go ahead and gloat.
#51I don't want your pity. Let's just get this over with.
#52Your pride is gonna get us all killed, Simba.
#53I didn't do it for the academy. Do you understand that?
#54You got a funny way of showing it, Sister.
#55I got the part? I got the part?!?
56The time has come for me to di. Gest. -- Sorry, a little gas.
#57I guess I'm ready, then. Is lift off in 10 minutes?
#58MEANWHILE IN ANOTHER PART OF THE BODY. (in character:) I snorted my bitch.
#59It's all a game to you, isn't it, Sheriff?
#60Why?? Because I ate a dog? Your husband didn't fly me all the way to the White House just to watch me eat a Pomeranian. What was in that dog, Mrs. Nixon? The missing tapes? You used me, Mrs. Nixon. You used me, and you used my Pomeranian bitch. Well, I may be a small-time carnival geek, but I know a thing or two about circuses. And I promise you, by tomorrow you'll see this one in the Washington Post.