What Will Happen Next???

by Jeff Goode and YOU

copyright © 1996
[week 3]

ERIC
I swallowed my bitch.

STEPH
We're so proud of you. ...Mr. Throat.

JEFF
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT???
Will he say...

(Eric's lines:)
#1
Thank you. Thank you for saying that.
#2
Mr. Throat? The only one who ever called me Mr. Throat was... It's you!! But how?
#3
Oh, sure, laugh. Make esophagus jokes at my expense. But I'm the one who has to live with a killer gullet.
#4
Now that she's gone, I feel so empty.
#5
Now that she's gone, I feel so full.
#6
Now that she's gone, I feel Sophia. That is your name, isn't it?
#7
(puts her fingers in his mouth and says:) Oh no. It's happening again.
#8
My life is over! Over! How can I go on after what... Hey, you're kind of cute!
#9
That's Mister Mr. Throat to you.
#10
From now on, it's Mr. Lockjaw. Because I've swallowed my last mark. I want out.
#11
Me? Mr. Throat? But that's impossible. I was here when the first engulfings took place.
#12
Please, call me Throaty
#13
You want some o' this? You want some o' this?! C'mon, get in my mouth if you think you can take it.
#14
Maybe you didn't hear me correctly.
#15
Oh no. You don't mean...? This can't be my 15 minutes of fame.
#16
Proud enough to be my bitch?
#17
I know I've said it before, but I love Eu... (looks at audience:) thenasia.
#18
Doctor, please, you've got to give me back my old digestive system.
#19
You've seen through my disguise! But how? (burp)
#20
MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GALAXY. (looks at Steph:) Bitch!
#21
You got no right to call me names. I done what you said. Now let us go.
#22
Your majesty! But what are you doing in the home of a simple woodcutter?
#23
I need a breath mint.
#24
I thought you'd been swallowed!!
#25
Proud of me? After what my throat has done, I'll never be able to look in the mirror without gargling.
#26
Y'know, you look tasty, too. But there's only one way to find out for sure.
#27
Proud? Well, I'm ashamed. Ashamed of my lips, ashamed of my tongue... Hey, how did you know my name?
#28
Not too proud to pump my stomach, I hope?
#29
My bitch was proud, and look where it got her.
#30
Mr. Threat! It's Mr. Threat! "Throat" isn't scary, you moron!
#31
If you're trying to turn me on, it's working. If you're trying to turn my stomach, that's working, too.
#32
Are you? Are you really? Because there's no turning back now.
#33
Proud I can never be of that which I loathe. My unholy craw.
#34
That's Doctor Throat. You've got your pride, but I've still got my PhD.
#35
You're kind of a bitch yourself.
#36
Don't. My dentist calls me Mr Throat.
#37
Stop me before I swallow again.
#38
That tapeworm better have the information, or you're next.
#39
She was so beautiful. When she looked at you that certain way, it just made your mouth water... Oh no.
#40
So now I'm supposed to fuck you, is that it? ... Is it?? ... No, really, is it?
#41
Well, swallow your pride because there's more.
#42
At least she went down easy. Smooth. Soothing. Like a lozenge. (slapping forheard:) That's her name!
#43
With tonsils like you, who needs enemies?
#44
I didn't eat her... for you!
#45
Don't get cocky, lady. I saved room for dessert.
#46
Julia!! (aside:) What if she saw me? No, no, stay calm. She doesn't suspect a thing.
#47
Proud? Well, I can't wait to see what regurgitation does for your self-esteem.
#48
You did this! You wicked, wicked, wicked witch! Where's your sister? I'm going to make both of you pay. (makes sucking sound)
#49
Is that my name? I just don't know anymore. Oh, why did those gnomes take my wallet??
#50
Go ahead and gloat.
#51
I don't want your pity. Let's just get this over with.
#52
Your pride is gonna get us all killed, Simba.
#53
I didn't do it for the academy. Do you understand that?
#54
You got a funny way of showing it, Sister.
#55
I got the part? I got the part?!?
56
The time has come for me to di. Gest. -- Sorry, a little gas.
#57
I guess I'm ready, then. Is lift off in 10 minutes?
#58
MEANWHILE IN ANOTHER PART OF THE BODY. (in character:) I snorted my bitch.
#59
It's all a game to you, isn't it, Sheriff?
#60
Why?? Because I ate a dog? Your husband didn't fly me all the way to the White House just to watch me eat a Pomeranian. What was in that dog, Mrs. Nixon? The missing tapes? You used me, Mrs. Nixon. You used me, and you used my Pomeranian bitch. Well, I may be a small-time carnival geek, but I know a thing or two about circuses. And I promise you, by tomorrow you'll see this one in the Washington Post.
WWHN??? - Week 1 / Week 2 / Week 3 / Week 4 / Week 5 / Week 6 / Week 7 / Week 8