ERIC
I swallowed my bitch.
STEPH
We're so proud of you. ...Mr. Throat.
ERIC
(puts her fingers in his mouth and says:) Oh no. It's happening again.
STEPH
Listen, I'm going to count to 3. And you better have me completely swallowed, head to foot,
because when I get to 3, any part of me that's sticking out of your mouth is gonna kick the shit
out of you.
ERIC
I'm not afraid of you. (screams:) AAH! ...Sorry, your foot moved.
INGER
Um... Hi. ...Either of you seen a woman? About so tall. ...Kind of bitchy.
ERIC
Oh no. It's happening again.
JEFF
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT???
Will she say...
#1 | Inger: | Stop! (beat) I don't think so. |
#2 | Steph: | No! No! Oh, no! |
#3 | Inger: | Yes! Yes! Oh, yes! |
#4 | Steph: | What the--? You hardly know her. You fickle son of a bitch! |
#5 | Inger: | (pointing in Eric's mouth:) There she is! Come out of there, you bitch! |
#6 | Steph: | Need I remind you that you're allergic to blondes? But, hey, you're the one who has to deal with the boils. |
#7 | Inger: | Mr. Throat!! (mouth open:) Don't you recognize me? |
#8 | Steph: | ZAP! (Inger falls down.) You'll eat when I tell you to. |
#9 | Inger: | MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GALAXY (in character:) AAH! AAH! That's scary, Daddy! Then what happened? Then what happened??? |
#10 | Steph: | No, no, no. Naughty naughty Throat. (She puts her hand over his mouth.) |
#11 | Inger: | You swallow me and I explode in your mouth. |
#12 | Steph: | At last my revenge is complete! (to Eric:) Well, what are you waiting for? |
#13 | Inger: | Not till you floss, buddy. |
#14 | Steph: | ZAP! (Eric collapses.) (to Inger:) I saved you. Now you owe me sex. Whoops, your life. Boy, my mind is wandering. |
#15 | Inger: | Mr. Throat! Then the mysterious phone call, her cryptic last words, the anatomical references scrawled on this napkin. It's all true? |
#16 | Steph: | Do you mind if I watch? This is my favorite part. |
#17 | Inger: | (pointing her
finger at him, like a gun:) Not so fast, Swallow-Man. (then to Steph:) And you stay back, or I'll shrink you, too. |
#18 | God-Voice: | Mr. Throat, this is the God-Voice. I am in Seattle and can not assist you at the moment. Please, use your common sense.|
#19 | Inger: | Start with the head. I wanna see what I'm doing. |
#20 | Steph: | Take it slow, Throaty. Remember we're going swimming after this. |
#21 | Inger: | Habben sie eine kleine penis? Whoops. Whose thoughts are those? |
#22 | Steph: | You're malfunctioning again. (to Inger:) Go for the manual override. It's in his pants. |
#23 | (Inger screeeeeeeeams, while Steph laughs.) | |
#24 | Inger: | (aside:) Should I run? Or should I kiss him? I only have a moment to decide. |
#25 | Steph: | (aside:) Charlie! Now! Do it now! |
#26 | Inger: | I bet you say that to all the girls. But I bet it only works with the really little ones. |
#27 | Steph: | I've seen
her. She knew too much. And now you know too much. That's two things you'll have in common. |
#28 | Inger: | (mimes a
gun:) Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! (Eric collapses) (to Steph:) Now answer my question. |
#29 | Steph: | Oh no. It's happening to me, too. |
#30 | Inger: | Oh no. It's happening to all three of us. |
#31 | Steph: | Oh no. It's happening to the audience. |
#32 | Inger: | Listen, I just wanna know what happened to my sister. Then you can suck the hell outta me. But I gotta know. |
#33 | Steph: | Wait! She may have the answers we seek! But, no, that doesn't make any sense. Go on, eat her. Eat her! |
#34 | Inger: | MEANWHILE AT THE DENTIST'S OFFICE. (in character:) Well, everything looks good. Waitaminute! There's something coming out. It looks like some kind of woman. (aside to Steph:) Oh no. It's happening again. |
#35 | Steph: | Don't struggle. It only makes his throat tighten. |
#36 | Inger: | Watch the teeth. Watch the teeth! |
#37 | Steph: | You're about to go where no woman has gone before. Well, one woman. Well, plus the two from the training program. ...It'll be fun, you can start a bridge club. |
#38 | Inger: | (She puts the napkin in Eric's mouth.) Problem solved. |
#39 | Steph: | Try not to move. He can't taste you, if you don't move. |
or | ||
#40 | Inger: | Damn. I walked
right into that one, didn't I? I should have known when I received the anonymous phone call telling me to meet her for brunch. The bitch never brunches. What was I thinking? (to Steph:) And you! You're from the company, aren't you? You made the anonymous phone call. It's so obvious. What an idiot I was! All right, go ahead, eat me. At least I'll go to my grave knowing that I took the secret with me. |