What Will Happen Next???

by Jeff Goode and YOU

copyright © 1996
[week 8]

ERIC
I swallowed my bitch.

STEPH
We're so proud of you. ...Mr. Throat.

ERIC
(puts her fingers in his mouth and says:) Oh no. It's happening again.

STEPH
Listen, I'm going to count to 3. And you better have me completely swallowed, head to foot, because when I get to 3, any part of me that's sticking out of your mouth is gonna kick the shit out of you.

ERIC
I'm not afraid of you. (screams:) AAH! ...Sorry, your foot moved.

INGER
Um... Hi. ...Either of you seen a woman? About so tall. ...Kind of bitchy.

ERIC
Oh no. It's happening again.

JEFF
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT???
Will she say... Mr. Throat, this is the God-Voice. I am in Seattle and can not assist you at the moment. Please, use your common sense.
#1Inger:Stop! (beat) I don't think so.
#2Steph:No! No! Oh, no!
#3Inger:Yes! Yes! Oh, yes!
#4Steph:What the--? You hardly know her. You fickle son of a bitch!
#5Inger:(pointing in Eric's mouth:) There she is! Come out of there, you bitch!
#6Steph:Need I remind you that you're allergic to blondes? But, hey, you're the one who has to deal with the boils.
#7Inger:Mr. Throat!! (mouth open:) Don't you recognize me?
#8Steph:ZAP! (Inger falls down.) You'll eat when I tell you to.
#9Inger:MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GALAXY (in character:) AAH! AAH! That's scary, Daddy! Then what happened? Then what happened???
#10Steph:No, no, no. Naughty naughty Throat. (She puts her hand over his mouth.)
#11Inger:You swallow me and I explode in your mouth.
#12Steph:At last my revenge is complete! (to Eric:) Well, what are you waiting for?
#13Inger:Not till you floss, buddy.
#14Steph:ZAP! (Eric collapses.) (to Inger:) I saved you. Now you owe me sex. Whoops, your life. Boy, my mind is wandering.
#15Inger:Mr. Throat! Then the mysterious phone call, her cryptic last words, the anatomical references scrawled on this napkin. It's all true?
#16Steph:Do you mind if I watch? This is my favorite part.
#17Inger:(pointing her finger at him, like a gun:) Not so fast, Swallow-Man.
(then to Steph:) And you stay back, or I'll shrink you, too.
#18God-Voice:
#19Inger:Start with the head. I wanna see what I'm doing.
#20Steph:Take it slow, Throaty. Remember we're going swimming after this.
#21Inger:Habben sie eine kleine penis? Whoops. Whose thoughts are those?
#22Steph:You're malfunctioning again. (to Inger:) Go for the manual override. It's in his pants.
#23(Inger screeeeeeeeams, while Steph laughs.)
#24Inger:(aside:) Should I run? Or should I kiss him? I only have a moment to decide.
#25Steph:(aside:) Charlie! Now! Do it now!
#26Inger:I bet you say that to all the girls. But I bet it only works with the really little ones.
#27Steph:I've seen her.
She knew too much.
And now you know too much.
That's two things you'll have in common.
#28Inger:(mimes a gun:) Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
(Eric collapses)
(to Steph:) Now answer my question.
#29Steph:Oh no. It's happening to me, too.
#30Inger:Oh no. It's happening to all three of us.
#31Steph:Oh no. It's happening to the audience.
#32Inger:Listen, I just wanna know what happened to my sister. Then you can suck the hell outta me. But I gotta know.
#33Steph:Wait! She may have the answers we seek! But, no, that doesn't make any sense. Go on, eat her. Eat her!
#34Inger:MEANWHILE AT THE DENTIST'S OFFICE. (in character:) Well, everything looks good. Waitaminute! There's something coming out. It looks like some kind of woman. (aside to Steph:) Oh no. It's happening again.
#35Steph:Don't struggle. It only makes his throat tighten.
#36Inger:Watch the teeth. Watch the teeth!
#37Steph:You're about to go where no woman has gone before. Well, one woman. Well, plus the two from the training program. ...It'll be fun, you can start a bridge club.
#38Inger:(She puts the napkin in Eric's mouth.) Problem solved.
#39Steph:Try not to move. He can't taste you, if you don't move.
or
#40Inger:Damn. I walked right into that one, didn't I?
I should have known when I received the anonymous phone call telling me to meet her for brunch.
The bitch never brunches. What was I thinking?
(to Steph:) And you! You're from the company, aren't you? You made the anonymous phone call. It's so obvious. What an idiot I was!
All right, go ahead, eat me.
At least I'll go to my grave knowing that I took the secret with me.


WWHN??? - Week 1 / Week 2 / Week 3 / Week 4 / Week 5 / Week 6 / Week 7 / Week 8