Is Barack In You?
by Jeff Goode
copyright © 2008
(LIGHTS UP ON: Someone who looks nothing at all like BARACK OBAMA. Enter a VOTER. Stares at Barack awhile.)
VOTER. Hey! Aren’t you Barack Obama?
BARACK. No.
VOTER. It is! It is you!
BARACK. No, it’s not.
VOTER. Oh, c’mon! I know it’s you. I’ve seen you on TV. You’re the one in all those attack ads, talking about how you won’t be ready to be president on day one.
BARACK. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
VOTER. Barack Obama. First African for president.
BARACK. That’s not who I am.
VOTER. No, I know. You’re just a regular American. Just like everyone else. Why does everybody have to turn it all racial?
BARACK. You have me confused with someone else.
VOTER. Who’s that?
BARACK. Barack Obama, obviously.
VOTER. (Beat.) That doesn’t even make sense.
BARACK. Please, leave me alone.
VOTER. No, problem. Candidate needs some alone time. Stressful on the campaign trail.
(Pause. Looks him up and down.)
VOTER. I don’t mean to criticize, but they’re right, you know.
BARACK. About what?
VOTER. You are not black enough.
BARACK. I’m not black at all.
VOTER. That’s what I’m saying.
BARACK. I’m not a black man.
VOTER. I hear you, brother. We’re all one thing. And after 8 years of divisive crap, it’s about time someone like you came along and gave people a reason to want to be something different than what they already are. Or however you put it. You’re way better with words than I am.
BARACK. Why are you talking to me?
VOTER. You’re right, you’re right. I should let you do the talking. Go on, inspire us. Talk to the people. Make us feel the way Jack Kennedy makes his brothers and sisters feel.
BARACK. I’m not going to inspire you!
VOTER. (looooong pause) Because we’ve got to find inspiration in ourselves?
BARACK. No.
VOTER. Because true inspiration–
BARACK. Because I’m not Barack Obama.
VOTER. (Beat.) No, I get it. You’re not Barack Obama–
BARACK. Yes!
VOTER. I’m Barack Obama.
BARACK. No, you’re not.
VOTER. (pointing to the audience) And he’s Barack Obama. And he’s Barack Obama. And she’s Mrs. Barack Obama.
BARACK. No.
VOTER. We’re all Barack Obama, if we just believe in ourselves.
BARACK. No, we’re not. Nobody is Barack Obama. No matter what they believe.
VOTER. (to the audience) Clap your hands, if you want to believe. Clap your hands if you want to be Barack Obama!
BARACK. No.
VOTER. Louder!
BARACK. Stop it.
VOTER. Louder!!
BARACK. Stop!
VOTER. They have to hear you all the way to Washington!
BARACK. Oh for Christ’s sake.
VOTER. If we clap long enough, and hard enough, we can change this whole race from a race-about-race, to a race-about-changing-our-race.
BARACK. No, we can’t. Your clapping isn’t doing anything. This isn’t real. It’s not working. None of this is actually happening.
VOTER. (Pause, disillusioned.) You’re right, you’re not Barack Obama.
BARACK. Thank you!
VOTER. (Beat.) You’re Bill Clinton.
BARACK. (exiting) Argh!
VOTER. I saw the way you were looking at me.
(BLACKOUT.)