Inauguration Day by Jeff Goode

A short piece to commemorate the Inauguration of Barack Obama as President on January 20, 2009.

Inauguration Day
by Jeff Goode
copyright © 2009

(Lights up on: BLOND GUY in the crowd at President Obama’s Inauguration. His cell phone rings. He answers.)

BLOND.
Hey, what’s up? Where are you at?

(Lights up on: REDHEAD GUY on his cell phone, also in the crowd at President Obama’s Inauguration.)

REDHEAD.
I’m at the Inauguration!

BLOND.
Hey, yeah? Me, too!

REDHEAD.
You’re at the Inauguration, too? Where?

BLOND.
I don’t know. Somewhere. Do you see that big crowd?

REDHEAD.
Dude! I’m in the big crowd!

BLOND.
That’s where I’m at. I’m in the big crowd.

REDHEAD.
I’m in the big crowd, too! All right, I’ll find you.

BLOND.
I’ll be right here. (waves his hand in the air, futilely)

REDHEAD.
We’re at the Inauguration!!

BLOND.
We’re at the Inauguration, sucka!!

REDHEAD.
What?! What did you say?

BLOND.
What?

REDHEAD.
Dude, you did not just use the S-word.

BLOND.
What S-word? "Sucka"?

REDHEAD.
Jesus Christ, don’t say it again!

BLOND.
Since when is "sucka" the S-word?

REDHEAD.
Dude, keep it down. Do you know what’s all around you?

BLOND.
Snipers?

REDHEAD.
No.

BLOND.
Porta-potties?

REDHEAD.
No!

BLOND.
What??

REDHEAD.
(looks around, nervously) "Differently-complected" people.

BLOND.
Seriously? They don’t like it when you say "sucka"?

REDHEAD.
No! It’s offensive.

BLOND.
Offensive to you, maybe. You’re the one I said it to.

REDHEAD.
It doesn’t matter. It’s their word. They get to use it, we don’t.

BLOND.
That doesn’t seem fair.

REDHEAD.
Hey, were your ancestors slaves for hundreds of years?

BLOND.
Prob’ly not.

REDHEAD.
Then let them have "sucka". Dammit, now you’ve got me saying it!

BLOND.
Are you sure they even want "sucka"?

REDHEAD.
It doesn’t matter if they want it, they got it, and you better keep your hands off it.

BLOND.
Yeah, but aren’t you part Jewish?

REDHEAD.
Halfway. On my father’s side.

BLOND.
Well, then you’ve got ancestors were halfway slaves for hundreds of years.

REDHEAD.
Yeah, but that was a long time ago.

BLOND.
Still, you should be able to say the S-word.

REDHEAD.
That’s different. That was Egyptian slaves. Everyone here is African slaves.

BLOND.
Egypt is in Africa.

REDHEAD.
You know what I mean.

BLOND.
And I don’t think there’s any slaves here.

REDHEAD.
No, but they’re all based on African slaves, is what I mean.

BLOND.
Like West Side Story is based on Romeo and Juliet?

REDHEAD.
Are you trying to get me in a riot here?

BLOND.
No.

REDHEAD.
Y’know, I don’t think I’m gonna find you, after all.

BLOND.
What? Why not?

REDHEAD.
If you can’t keep your racially-insensitive thoughts in your head where they belong, I don’t think I want to be there when you get your ass handed to you.

BLOND.
What?

REDHEAD.
I don’t think I want to be around you today.

BLOND.
Are you serious?

REDHEAD.
Not today.

BLOND.
Okay.

REDHEAD.
You have a nice Inauguration.

BLOND.
All right. I’ll see you back at the dorm.

REDHEAD.
See you at Hartford.

BLOND.
Word up.

REDHEAD.
Peace out.

(They hang up. Blackout.)