Keep Your Spirits Handy!

(from Marley's Christmas)

by Jeff Goode & Jonathan Price

copyright © 2005

(A Pub. A band of MERRY REVELERS raise their cups and sing a drinking song to Christmas.)

Oh! Keep your spirits handy — They’ll keep your spirits up!

For meat is a treat if you’ve nothing to eat

But it won’t put a drop in your cup!

1.

One reveler from Cardiff spends each Holiday the same:

Out prowling pubs until he’s pissed and passed out in the lane.

The barmaid took him home and tried to rouse him with a kiss.

He said, "Forgive me missy, but you woke me up for this?"

 

Oh! Keep your spirits handy — They’ll keep your spirits up!

For, love is a rose, if you want one of those

But an eggnog won’t need a pre-nup!

2.

A kindly Christmas shopper spied a pauper Christmas night

She offered him a groat to go and get himself a bite

To her surprise the fellow whispered this, as he declined:

You want to see me merry? You should offer me a pint!

 

So… Keep your spirits handy — They’ll keep your spirits up!

There’s no comfort in gold when the weather is cold

But a toddy will heat you right up!

3.

(suddenly solemn:)

And lest our solemn holiday become a bacchanal

Let’s take a moment - Christmas’s true meaning to recall

And let us yet remember as we revel in our whims…

(boisterous again:)

Who turned the water into wine and raise a glass to him!

 

Oh! Keep your spirits handy - They’ll keep your spirits up!

Be pious as you can be

But keep some brandy in your cup!

4.

A wily old curmudgeon was the miser of the town

For even during Christmastide his visage bore a frown

But he was always welcome at the local Cock & Crown

‘Cause once a year he’d have a beer and buy the house a round!

 

So… Keep your spirits handy — They’ll keep your spirits up!

The season’s the reason and all else is treason

So here’s to the Country — Drink up!

Wassail! God Save the King!

© 2005 Jeff Goode & Jonathan Price - THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR