Episode... Mean!(7)

by Jeff Goode
copyright © 2003

 

           "Meanwhile, five days earlier..."

(Enter CRAZY WORM GUY.)

           CRAZY WORM
Hello! I'm Crazy Worm Guy. (Beat.) Hi.
           (CWG is suddenly sad.)
I don't have a tiger.
           (He cries a little.)
I don't have any friends either.
           (He cries some more. Enter RABBIT.)

           RABBIT
I'll be your friend.

           CRAZY WORM
Go away, Rabbit!!
           (continuing)
Mr. Angry Pants was my very best friend in the whole world, but then he stole my girlfriend and now he's dead! Or missing! Or lost! Or hiding! Or sick! Or has amnesia! Or maybe that damn tiger ate him!
(sotto voce)
But I think what probably happened is I killed him.
           (wails)
And now I don't have any friends!

           RABBIT
I'll be your friend.

           CRAZY WORM
I said, Go away, Rabbit!!!

           RABBIT
But I want to be your friend.

           CRAZY WORM
GET OUT OF HERE!!

           (RABBIT leaves.)

           CRAZY WORM
Oh, look! A celestial phenomenon!

           (A CELESTIAL PHENOMENON passes through and exits.)

           (RABBIT comes back, excited about the Celestial Phenomenon.)

           RABBIT
Did you see that?!

           CRAZY WORM
LEAVE ME ALONE!!

           (CRAZY WORM GUY storms out.)

...The End...

           ANNOUNCER
Tune in next time, when the Rabbit says...

           RABBIT
That hurts my feelings.

           (Pause.)

           RABBIT
But I shall have my revenge.

           (BLACKOUT)

© 2003 Jeff Goode - "TIGER-TIGER YUM-YUM" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR