CRAZY WORM
Innkeeper!! Innkeeper!!!

           (Enter the LONELY INNKEEPER, roused out of bed.)

           INNKEEPER
What's all the fracas? Do you know what time it is? People are trying to sleep.

           CRAZY WORM
I'm sorry, but this is an emergency. I want to turn myself in.

           INNKEEPER
For what?

           CRAZY WORM
For the murdering of Mr. Angry Pants.

           INNKEEPER
You killed Mr. Angry Pants?!

           CRAZY WORM
Don't call him that.

           INNKEEPER
He was my best customer. How could you do this? And when? And where? And why?

           CRAZY WORM
I don't know! All I remember for sure is... I was very, very mad at him. And I haven't seen him since.

           (INNKEEPER stops.)

           INNKEEPER
And that's all you have to go on?

           CRAZY WORM
I had motive! I had opportunity!

           INNKEEPER
But you don't have a body.

           CRAZY WORM
I have tendrils.

           INNKEEPER
You can't have a murder without a body. Of the victim.

           (CRAZY WORM GUY gets it now.)

           CRAZY WORM
So maybe I'm not a murderer. Because there isn't a body.

           INNKEEPER
Right.

           CRAZY WORM
Or maybe I'm a crafty murderer and I hid the body!

           INNKEEPER
From yourself?? That's stupid.

           CRAZY WORM
Stupid like a fox!!

           INNKEEPER
I'm sorry but nobody's going to believe you killed anybody without a body. Now excuse me, I gotta go make the beds.

           CRAZY WORM
But they have to believe me. I did it. I killed him. I slew him with my own tendrils.
Like this....
           (He strangles the INNKEEPER to demonstrate.)
Only I used a knife.
           (He starts to strangle the INNKEEPER some more.)

           INNKEEPER
All right, stop it! Fine, you want to be a murderer? Be a murderer.

           CRAZY WORM
I knew my confession would wear him down.

           INNKEEPER
But do it someplace else. I've got customers to attend to. I don't know why you even came to me in the first place.

           CRAZY WORM
Because I want to turn myself in!

           INNKEEPER
This isn't a police station!

           CRAZY WORM
No, it's an INN!!

           (INNKEEPER shakes his or her head in disgust.)

           INNKEEPER
Okay, let me explain something...

...The End...

           ANNOUNCER
Tune in next time, when Crazy Worm Guy says...

           CRAZY WORM
An Inn! Do you understand me?! An Inn!!

           INNKEEPER
Yeah, I get it.

 
           (BLACKOUT)