Episode... Freedom!(18)

by Jeff Goode
copyright © 2003

 

(CRAZY WORM GUY is about to be sentenced by a Jury of his audience.)

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Yum-Yum
Tiger, Tiger, Yum-Yum-Yum
Crazy Worm Guy - he's on Tri-gll
Tiger, Tiger, so much fun!

Come with the Yum, gonna Summon a Ju... ry.
Sure, it's either Guilty or it's Not Guilty or Hung (Gag!)

Great! Gotta Wait for the deliber-i-grrr!
Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Yum! Yum! Yum!!

           (The INNKEEPER is addressing the Jury.)

           INNKEEPER
Ladies and Gentlemen and Fishes and Cabbages of the Jury.
How do you find the defendant?
And don't say, "by looking for him"!
I hate it when they say, "by looking for him" when I say, "How do you find the defendant?"
So don't even think about it!!

Ahem. As I was saying. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury.
And fishes and cabbages.
In the matter of the case of the People versus Crazy Worm Guy
On the charge of Murder in the very first degree.
How do you find the defendant?

           (The Jury of the audience says whatever the Jury says or doesn't say.)

           INNKEEPER
All right! That's it!! I've had it! Jury is dismissed!
And you're lucky I don't hold you all in contempt of court.

Will the defendant please rise?

           (CRAZY WORM GUY levitates out of his seat.)

           INNKEEPER
(gravely) Crazy Worm Guy...
On behalf of the people of the state of the Place where we're at.
I hereby sentence you...
To FREEDOM without the possibility of parole!

           CRAZY WORM GUY
No, not Freedom! Anything but Freedom!!

           INNKEEPER
This court is adjourned.

           CRAZY WORM GUY
No, oh God, no!!! Why me? Why-hy-hy-hy me-he-he-he???

...The End...

           ANNOUNCER
Tune in next time, when Crazy Worm Guy says...

           CRAZY WORM
(weeping) Bwah-ha-ha-ha! Muh-huh-huh-huh!

           FATHER SISTER
I've never lost a case.

           (BLACKOUT)

© 2003 Jeff Goode - "TIGER-TIGER YUM-YUM" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR