INT. CAMPBELL RESIDENCE - DAY Mrs. Campbell opens the door on -- Andy, looking exasperated, and Barney, looking agitated. They both look a little out of breath. MRS. CAMPBELL Sheriff? I didn't expect to see you again so soon. ANDY Well, we were in the neighborhood and-- Do you mind if my deputy asks you a couple questions about your husband's murder? MRS. CAMPBELL Am I a suspect? ANDY No, ma'am, these are just routine questions. Right, Barney? BARNEY (pouncing) Where were you on the morning of the 17th?? MRS. CAMPBELL That's today, ain't it? BARNEY Just answer the question! ANDY What Barney's trying to say-- There isn't any chance you might've killed your husband? Maybe by accident? MRS. CAMPBELL Now why would I do that? BARNEY Marital rage. This is text book, Andy, open and shut. Unhappy husband takes to the bottle. Unhappy wife takes the bottle to his head. MRS. CAMPBELL That's ridiculous! BARNEY How'd you get those lips??? ANDY Barney, calm down. MRS. CAMPBELL I paid good money for these. BARNEY Likely story! ANDY All right, that's enough. Now, Mrs. Campbell, you wouldn't happen to know anyone who didn't particularly care for your husband. MRS. CAMPBELL I didn't particularly care for him. ANDY But someone who couldn't stand him. MRS. CAMPBELL I couldn't stand him. ANDY I mean somebody who might have hated him enough to do him harm. MRS. CAMPBELL What's not to hate? He was mean and ornery. Spiteful. Gassy. Never picked up after himself. And he was always running around with other women. ANDY I beg your pardon? BARNEY Other women? MRS. CAMPBELL I may be illiterate, but I'm not stupid, Sheriff. I can read the signs. ANDY Well, then, you wouldn't be illiterate. MRS. CAMPBELL Last night I was doing his laundry and I found a blonde hair. ANDY Now, that could be anything. MRS. CAMPBELL In his trousers? BARNEY Trouser's never lie, Andy. ANDY One suspicious hair don't make him the Don Juan of Mayberry. MRS. CAMPBELL Maybe not. But last week she was a red head. And the week before that, brunette. BARNEY If his laundry's any judge, Otis was making time with half the town. MRS. CAMPBELL Serve him right if I did kill him. Barney throws her against the dresser and handcuffs her. ANDY What are you doing? BARNEY She practically admitted killing her husband, near as I can tell. MRS. CAMPBELL I didn't kill him! I hated him, sure. But he was bringing home the bacon. And that's all that mattered to me. Look over there on that cabinet, there's a envelope. Andy finds an envelope full of money on the cabinet. ANDY There's almost 100 dollars in here. MRS. CAMPBELL That's right. A man brings home that kind of envelope once a week, a woman tends to overlook the little things. Barney's not buying it. BARNEY Your stories full o' holes, sister! How do we know that's not your money you were saving up to hire a hit man? MRS. CAMPBELL Get your hands off me, or I'll show you a hit man! She slaps him. Barney is flabbergasted. BARNEY Assaulting an officer! You're a witness, Andy! ANDY All right, Barney. That's enough. BARNEY We got her dead to rights, Andy. ANDY I know. Now you better let her go. BARNEY But Andy--!? ANDY We'll talk about it outside. CUT TO