INT. FLOYD'S BARBER SHOP - DAY
FLOYD is giving MAYOR PIKE a haircut, when Andy and Barney
come in.
FLOYD
Afternoon, Andy, Barney.
ANDY
Floyd, did you see Otis Campbell over
here this morning?
Floyd fidgets guiltily.
FLOYD
No.
ANDY
Floyd?
FLOYD
Maybe.
ANDY
Floyd?
FLOYD
Yes! But that's all I'm going to tell
you.
ANDY
That's all I'm asking, Floyd.
FLOYD
Suit yourself.
BARNEY
Was he here for his weekly trim?
Again, Floyd hesitates suspiciously.
ANDY
Floyd?
FLOYD
Yes. But that's as far as it went.
ANDY
You didn't see anyone give him an
envelope of money while he was here?
FLOYD
No. And it was a gift, not a payoff.
ANDY
A payoff!?
BARNEY
What kind of payoff?
ANDY
Floyd, was Otis blackmailing you?
FLOYD
Whatever gave you that idea?
BARNEY
For Pete's sake, Floyd, you practically
just told us.
FLOYD
Me and my big mouth.
ANDY
What did he have on you, Floyd?
FLOYD
I can't say.
ANDY
Why not?
FLOYD
I can't say.
BARNEY
Well, what can you say?
FLOYD
I can't say.
ANDY
Floyd, if you don't tell us something
useful right quick, we're gonna have to
take you in for murder.
FLOYD
But I'm no killer. I wouldn't hurt a
fly.
Floyd nicks the Mayor's ear.
MAYOR
Ouch! Darn it, Floyd! That's the
fifth time today. I'm coming back
sometime when you're not so riled up.
The Mayor gets up and storms out. Andy gives Floyd a
withering look. Floyd buckles --
FLOYD
I will tell you this much, Otis was in
an awful hurry to get out of here.
Barely said two words to me before he
slipped out the back door.
ANDY
Why didn't he just go out the front?
FLOYD
He said he was meeting someone.
ANDY
In the alley behind the shop? That
didn't strike you as peculiar?
FLOYD
I don't like to pry.
ANDY
All right, Floyd, you're coming over to
the courthouse and make a statement.
FLOYD
I can't leave in the middle of the mid
day rush.
The barbershop is completely deserted.
ANDY
There's no way around this, Floyd. If
Otis was blackmailing you, you're gonna
have to tell me about it sooner or
later.
FLOYD
I told you, it wasn't blackmail, it was
a gift.
ANDY
That's a mighty generous gift.
FLOYD
I'm a mighty generous lover.
BARNEY
You're a what?!
FLOYD
I mean, barber.
ANDY
That's not what you said, Floyd, and
you know it.
FLOYD
All right, I was sweet on him! Is that
what you want to hear?
BARNEY
(horrified)
No!
FLOYD
I was in love, I admit it. But that
doesn't make me a murderer.
Barney looks queasy.
ANDY
You and Otis were an item?
FLOYD
Maybe not like you'd take to the spring
formal. But every Friday, he'd stop by
for a moustache ride in the barber
chair, and I'd give him some money for
his trouble. Is that a crime?
ANDY
Well, technically, Floyd, it is.
BARNEY
(perspiring)
Kinda hot in here.
FLOYD
Barney, are you all right? You look a
little green.
BARNEY
Think I need some air.
Barney dashes outside.
ANDY
Excuse us a minute.
CUT TO