ACT FOUR
FADE IN
INT. TAYLOR RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - EVENING
Aunt Bee and Opie are sitting down to supper, when Andy
walks in.
AUNT BEE
Oh, good, you made it! I was afraid
you weren't going to be home in time
for supper.
ANDY
Well, we're kinda at a stand still with
the investigation and I figure you
wouldn't want me interrogating on a
empty stomach.
AUNT BEE
I hear you arrested Floyd and Goober.
ANDY
Yeah, I guess that cat is out of the
bag.
AUNT BEE
Well, I'm glad. I always thought those
two were up to no good.
ANDY
They both confessed to it. But I don't
think they're guilty.
AUNT BEE
Well, that's a relief. They're such
good boys.
OPIE
Are you gonna let 'em go now, paw?
ANDY
Not just yet. We're gonna hold 'em a
while longer, see if they can get their
stories straight.
AUNT BEE
You really ought to convict them both.
They probably deserve it.
ANDY
I'm not gonna send 'em to prison if
they ain't done nothing, Aunt Bee.
AUNT BEE
Why not? They might enjoy it. At any
rate, it would be a good lesson for the
both of them.
ANDY
But it ain't the truth!
(beat)
They're hiding something, though. I'm
just not sure what.
OPIE
Maybe they know who the real murderer
is.
ANDY
I suppose. They could be trying to
protect someone.
Suddenly, Barney bursts into the room in a tizzy.
BARNEY
Andy! Andy! There you are!
ANDY
Take it easy, Barney. What's wrong?
BARNEY
I did it! I cracked the case!
AUNT BEE
Oh, that's wonderful news, Barney.
Would you like some mashed potatoes?
BARNEY
No time for that, Aunt Bee. This is
big, Andy! Big!
ANDY
All right, settle down, what is it?
BARNEY
Well, I was over at the courthouse,
mindin' the prisoners --
ANDY
You weren't sweatin' those boys again,
were you? They need their rest,
Barney.
BARNEY
No, I came up with this all on my own,
by pure powers of deduction.
ANDY
All right, then, let's hear it.
BARNEY
Well, I was sitting there mullin' over
the facts - just mullin' and mullin' -
when it hit me! Why would two honest,
innocent, law-abiding, grown men, lie
about a murder they didn't commit?
ANDY
Doin' it to protect someone?
BARNEY
They're doin' it to protect-- Well,
darn it, Andy!
Andy smiles at Barney's consternation.
ANDY
Don't look at me, Opie figured that one
out. Go on, what else?
BARNEY
What do you mean, what else?
ANDY
Well, if they're protecting someone,
who is it?
BARNEY
Darn it, Andy, I hadn't thought that
far ahead.
AUNT BEE
Have some cole slaw then. It's good
for the brain.
Aunt Bee dishes out some cole slaw, while Barney paces.
BARNEY
It'd have to be somebody they both
know. Someone close to both of 'em.
ANDY
I reckon that describes just about
everybody in town. Floyd's been around
since I don't know when. He used to
babysit me when I was little.
BARNEY
(disgruntled)
He never babysat for me.
ANDY
And Goober, he taught Opie how to throw
a knuckle ball. Ain't that right,
Opie?
OPIE
That's right, paw.
BARNEY
Yeah, you and Goober's always been
thick as thieves--
Barney stops cold. Aunt Bee notices.
AUNT BEE
What's the matter, Barney? You look
like you've seen a ghost.
Barney takes out his gun, trembling, points it at Andy.
BARNEY
Keep your hands where I can see 'em,
Andy.
ANDY
Oh, now Barney --
BARNEY
Goober's always been like family to
you, Andy. And Floyd's like the family
barber. If Otis was blackmailing them--
ANDY
All right, that's enough. Put the gun
away.
BARNEY
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
ANDY
Barney, this is getting out of hand.
You're scarin' Aunt Bee and the boy.
AUNT BEE
No, I'm fine, Andy. You two go ahead.
BARNEY
Don't make me shoot you, Andy.
ANDY
You're not gonna shoot me.
BARNEY
Don't think I won't!
ANDY
I'm pretty sure you won't.
BARNEY
Don't be too sure.
ANDY
I still have your bullet.
BARNEY
Oh.
Barney looks uncomfortable, puts his gun away. He clears
his throat.
BARNEY
Andy?
ANDY
What is it, Barney?
BARNEY
Can I have my bullet?
ANDY
No! Now either sit down and eat
something, or have Aunt Bee make you a
plate. But I don't want to hear any
more about this.
BARNEY
Maybe I'll-- just a little.
Barney sheepishly sits down and makes himself a plate.
OPIE
I knew Barney wasn't gonna shoot you,
paw.
ANDY
I said I didn't want to hear it.
AUNT BEE
I'm glad you're not the murderer, Andy.
How would that look?
ANDY
It'd look pretty silly. Now can
everyone, please, be quiet and eat
their supper?
Awkward silence. Barney clears his throat.
BARNEY
So how long are you thinking of holding
Floyd and Goober?
ANDY
As long as it takes. We know they're
involved in this somehow and they're
gonna have to own up to it. I don't
care if we have to keep 'em in that
jail cell right through fishing season.
OPIE
But what if they didn't do it, paw,
like you said?
ANDY
This ain't just about murder anymore,
Opie. It's about honesty and
integrity. From what I heard today,
those boys need to learn they can't
just do whatever it is they done and
not take responsibility for the
consequences. Maybe that's how they do
things up in Siler City, but I won't
stand for it here in Mayberry.
BARNEY
Speaking o' responsibilities, I better
get back to the jailhouse, in case one
of 'em talks in his sleep. Thanks for
the supper, Aunt Bee.
Barney takes his plate and leaves.
OPIE
Paw, can I be excused, too?
AUNT BEE
You hardly touched your food.
OPIE
I'm not very hungry.
ANDY
Go on then.
Opie runs upstairs. Andy and Aunt Bee exchange concerned
glances.
CUT TO